Zombies Win Clapper Award

clapper awardThe San Gabriel Valley Theater Assoc. has just awarded our Zombie Players Association the 2015 Clapper Award of Excellence for its annual series of Halloween productions.

Accepting the award, our founder, playwright, and producer, Val Luten.  His acceptance speech surprised the gathering, “We don’t want your stinking award.  We want your fresh brains.”  The audience of over 200 attendees gave him a standing ovation.  It seems the crowd respected Luten for ‘putting it to the man’.  They all agreed that we need more fresh brains with new ideas to promote live theater.

The above is the product of a delusional zombie mind, although it does identify the problem of theater failing to use imagination to attract a younger audience that is addicted to electronic/social media.  They are missing the live theater experience; the real 3D.

Broadway Bound

Zombie Memorial Players production “Romeo and Juliet at Zombie High School”, has drawn interest from two important Broadway production companies.

The 20 minute musical comedy will be repeated every half hour from 6:30 to 9:30PM, Halloween night only.

An expanded version of the play is being considered for an off-Broadway tryout. Those in the know tell us that this could be the next big show, “Zombies on Broadway.”

This Halloween night may be your only chance to see the original.  Better yet, this special family show is free, no tickets needed.  The show is rated F.N.G., Funny Not Gory.  Join us at the Sierra Madre Playhouse for brain-tingling excitement!

Disclaimer: Without direct contact from New York, the officials at the playhouse cannot confirm the above story, but it can’t help but confirm that the theater’s new commitment to the highest quality, American plays has made the Sierra Madre Playhouse, pound for pound, the best theater in Los Angeles.

Zombie Attacks Homeowner

When arrested by officer Whitey Whitehead of the Sierra Madre Police Dept., the livid, overexcited, zombie explained, “I saw him watering his lawn on Tuesday instead of Wednesday.”

In response, the homeowner said, “My lawn was turning brown:  I guess I just panicked.”  To which, the officer Whitehead replied, “Brown is the new green.”

Zombie Virus Cure

Center for Disease Control announced today that a vaccine developed by the Zombie Research Facility has ended the threat of the Zombie virus.

It must be noted that this is the third such announcement in the past 5 years.  The first 2 proved to be overly optimistic in that they only protected vegetarians and all humans age 95 or older.  The spokesman, dressed in a full hazmat suit, told reporters that the public still needs to wear bite-proof helmets when leaving their fortified homes.

Old Yellow Stain

old-yellow-stainMr. Krumpky, principal of Zombie High School, denied that the Zombie Complex that includes the Education Center, the Medical Research Facility, and the Zombie Correctional Institution is responsible for the sudden yellow tinge found in the city of Sierra Madre’s drinking water.

Krumpky handed the press copies of a report issued by the Federal Drug Administration concluding that the contents of Zombie water facilities used for storage, waste, and drinking water are pure in color and taste and contain no unusual chemicals.  In fact, nothing was found that would affect water color.

Krumpky concludes that the charge that the Zombies were responsible for the yellow stain was used by local politicians, who have failed to protect the public, to shift the blame away from themselves.  Most likely the high profit bottle water industry started the story to scare consumers into buying their expensive product.

Money Back Guarantee

ABC news reporter, Skippy Delite, reported that the Sierra Madre Theater offers money back guarantee on their Halloween show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  This is the funniest, scariest, family-friendly show you’ve ever seen.

Since there is no charge for admission their money back guarantee seems ludicrous.  When I confronted the producer with this observation, he replied, “all this technical stuff gives me a headache.  I’m trying to save America and you’re worried about wordplay.”

I replied, “well then, why don’t you offer double your money back!”

–Your Reporter

Police Protection League Wants National Guard Called In

Ann Savage, spokesperson for the Sierra Madre Police Protection League, today asked the Sierra Madre City Council to call in the National Guard to supplement our police force on Halloween night.  “There is no way our police department can defend our town from a bus load of flesh eating zombies,” she said.

Warden G, from the Zombie Correctional Institution, told the city council that he was providing 25 specially trained guards to police the Halloween show.  “Celebrity Zombies Save America” will feature actual zombies from his institution.  “My guards know how to handle these creatures.  It’s their job 24 hours a day.  I can guarantee you that there will be no problem from my inmates.  No Sierra Madre police officers will be needed at the Sierra Madre Playhouse on Halloween night.”

The council agreed that no extraordinary measures were needed for the Sierra Madre Playhouse show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America”, on Halloween night.

L.A. Times Theater Critic Missing

A well dressed, middle-aged gentleman with thinning gray hair and a ship’s anchor tattooed on the back of his right hand approached the playhouse last Saturday.  He claimed to be a free agent theater critic on assignment for the L.A. Times.  He was given a pass to see the first dress rehearsal of the new show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  Fellow viewers reported that he laughed so hard that he started to cry.  After the show was over, he enthusiastically went back stage to interview the players.  He was never seen again.  The shows producers contacted the L.A. Times.  The Times refused to comment on whether or not one of their critics was missing.

The producers of “Celebrity Zombies Save America” have decided to post an armed guard in the actors lounge during all performances for the public’s protection even though there is no evidence of foul play.

Public Announcement

Sierra Madre Board of Health okays cast and crew of “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  Zombie virus not found.  Show is safe for the whole family.

Caution: Bald men, do not let zombies touch your head or you may leave the theater as a ‘no-brainer.’


Aug. 12, 2013 – Playwright, Val Luten and parties agree on script for new show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America”.  Val Luten says, “My zombies are really funny. No child will be traumatized.  No adult will be able to keep a straight face.