A well dressed, middle-aged gentleman with thinning gray hair and a ship’s anchor tattooed on the back of his right hand approached the playhouse last Saturday.  He claimed to be a free agent theater critic on assignment for the L.A. Times.  He was given a pass to see the first dress rehearsal of the new show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  Fellow viewers reported that he laughed so hard that he started to cry.  After the show was over, he enthusiastically went back stage to interview the players.  He was never seen again.  The shows producers contacted the L.A. Times.  The Times refused to comment on whether or not one of their critics was missing.

The producers of “Celebrity Zombies Save America” have decided to post an armed guard in the actors lounge during all performances for the public’s protection even though there is no evidence of foul play.