Ann Savage, spokesperson for the Sierra Madre Police Protection League, today asked the Sierra Madre City Council to call in the National Guard to supplement our police force on Halloween night. “There is no way our police department can defend our town from a bus load of flesh eating zombies,” she said.
Warden G, from the Zombie Correctional Institution, told the city council that he was providing 25 specially trained guards to police the Halloween show. “Celebrity Zombies Save America” will feature actual zombies from his institution. “My guards know how to handle these creatures. It’s their job 24 hours a day. I can guarantee you that there will be no problem from my inmates. No Sierra Madre police officers will be needed at the Sierra Madre Playhouse on Halloween night.”
The council agreed that no extraordinary measures were needed for the Sierra Madre Playhouse show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America”, on Halloween night.
A well dressed, middle-aged gentleman with thinning gray hair and a ship’s anchor tattooed on the back of his right hand approached the playhouse last Saturday. He claimed to be a free agent theater critic on assignment for the L.A. Times. He was given a pass to see the first dress rehearsal of the new show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.” Fellow viewers reported that he laughed so hard that he started to cry. After the show was over, he enthusiastically went back stage to interview the players. He was never seen again. The shows producers contacted the L.A. Times. The Times refused to comment on whether or not one of their critics was missing.
The producers of “Celebrity Zombies Save America” have decided to post an armed guard in the actors lounge during all performances for the public’s protection even though there is no evidence of foul play.