Zombie Escapes!

A Zombie cast member of the Sierra Madre Playhouse’s Halloween show did not report to the armored transport vehicle for his trip back to the correction facility.  It is feared that he may have wandered off.

His description:  6′ 7″ tall, 265Lbs, male, grey hair, and short grey beard.  Last seen dressed in an orange jump suit.  His movements are slow and uncoordinated.  His expression is blank.  He is considered by his fellow Zombies as a dimwit.  His rotting flesh gives off an unpleasant odor.

Warning:  Do not approach!  If seen, cover your head and run away.  Call Police.

Tip from Homeland Security:
If you are cornered by a zombie, point across the street and yell, “Look Zombie, fresh brains over there!”  As the Zombie turns around, run away.  If this advise doesn’t work, consult our website:  BrokenBeyondRepair.gov

Money Back Guarantee

ABC news reporter, Skippy Delite, reported that the Sierra Madre Theater offers money back guarantee on their Halloween show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  This is the funniest, scariest, family-friendly show you’ve ever seen.

Since there is no charge for admission their money back guarantee seems ludicrous.  When I confronted the producer with this observation, he replied, “all this technical stuff gives me a headache.  I’m trying to save America and you’re worried about wordplay.”

I replied, “well then, why don’t you offer double your money back!”

–Your Reporter

Free Family Portrait

Award-winning photographer volunteers to help playhouse for third year.

Beverly Widney of Bev Widney Photography will again offer free photos to all who attend the playhouse’s Halloween show.  This year’s photo will be taken with
“Zombie Marilyn.”

Photos will be e-mailed to your address.

This is a child-friendly event.

For more info, contact Bev at bevwid@earthlink.com or see her website at

Police Protection League Wants National Guard Called In

Ann Savage, spokesperson for the Sierra Madre Police Protection League, today asked the Sierra Madre City Council to call in the National Guard to supplement our police force on Halloween night.  “There is no way our police department can defend our town from a bus load of flesh eating zombies,” she said.

Warden G, from the Zombie Correctional Institution, told the city council that he was providing 25 specially trained guards to police the Halloween show.  “Celebrity Zombies Save America” will feature actual zombies from his institution.  “My guards know how to handle these creatures.  It’s their job 24 hours a day.  I can guarantee you that there will be no problem from my inmates.  No Sierra Madre police officers will be needed at the Sierra Madre Playhouse on Halloween night.”

The council agreed that no extraordinary measures were needed for the Sierra Madre Playhouse show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America”, on Halloween night.

L.A. Times Theater Critic Missing

A well dressed, middle-aged gentleman with thinning gray hair and a ship’s anchor tattooed on the back of his right hand approached the playhouse last Saturday.  He claimed to be a free agent theater critic on assignment for the L.A. Times.  He was given a pass to see the first dress rehearsal of the new show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  Fellow viewers reported that he laughed so hard that he started to cry.  After the show was over, he enthusiastically went back stage to interview the players.  He was never seen again.  The shows producers contacted the L.A. Times.  The Times refused to comment on whether or not one of their critics was missing.

The producers of “Celebrity Zombies Save America” have decided to post an armed guard in the actors lounge during all performances for the public’s protection even though there is no evidence of foul play.

Public Announcement

Sierra Madre Board of Health okays cast and crew of “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  Zombie virus not found.  Show is safe for the whole family.

Caution: Bald men, do not let zombies touch your head or you may leave the theater as a ‘no-brainer.’


Aug. 12, 2013 – Playwright, Val Luten and parties agree on script for new show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America”.  Val Luten says, “My zombies are really funny. No child will be traumatized.  No adult will be able to keep a straight face.