Zombie Escapes!

A Zombie cast member of the Sierra Madre Playhouse’s Halloween show did not report to the armored transport vehicle for his trip back to the correction facility.  It is feared that he may have wandered off.

His description:  6′ 7″ tall, 265Lbs, male, grey hair, and short grey beard.  Last seen dressed in an orange jump suit.  His movements are slow and uncoordinated.  His expression is blank.  He is considered by his fellow Zombies as a dimwit.  His rotting flesh gives off an unpleasant odor.

Warning:  Do not approach!  If seen, cover your head and run away.  Call Police.

Tip from Homeland Security:
If you are cornered by a zombie, point across the street and yell, “Look Zombie, fresh brains over there!”  As the Zombie turns around, run away.  If this advise doesn’t work, consult our website:  BrokenBeyondRepair.gov

Money Back Guarantee

ABC news reporter, Skippy Delite, reported that the Sierra Madre Theater offers money back guarantee on their Halloween show, “Celebrity Zombies Save America.”  This is the funniest, scariest, family-friendly show you’ve ever seen.

Since there is no charge for admission their money back guarantee seems ludicrous.  When I confronted the producer with this observation, he replied, “all this technical stuff gives me a headache.  I’m trying to save America and you’re worried about wordplay.”

I replied, “well then, why don’t you offer double your money back!”

–Your Reporter